archangelgaybriel:

mikerotone:

cinnamontoastcrunchchallenge:

when i die, my tombstone wont say RIP

it will say VIP

That’s because they reserved a special place in hell for you

yeah the throne

esexist:

i just got called a faggot by a group of 6th graders wearing polos

gleeson666:

do you ever get into one of those situations where you’re like “I need to stop hating this particular person it’s not going to get me anywhere I’m just going to grow up and move on with my life” but then they do the tiniest thing to piss you off and then you’re like “nope fuck you right off I want to throw you off a bridge”

cokeflow:

when I was like 6 i was at church with my family and I asked my mom how much longer until it was over and she said 15 minutes so I counted to 60 fifteen times and it still wasn’t over and that’s why I don’t believe in god

tinychatter:

“honey, i’m home!” i yell. the honey does not respond. it cannot talk

• teacher: why are you late?
• me: why are you so obsessed with me

familyfriendlyurl:

when i was in grade 3 our class was having a party and i brought in the shrek soundtrack and everyone loved it and the girl i had a crush on winked at me i owe everything to shrek

hungarian:

it’d be cool to speak like 20 different languages & keep it a secret from everyone & then during a time of crisis, u could speak some fluent russian to some russian guy holding a gun to your head & all your friends will be like daaamn